Rancher

[texan321]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was
> determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she
> placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
>
> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She
> thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
> to
> hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
> than the drunk.
>
> He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a
> lot
> about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was
> doing very well.
>
> Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job,
> and
> the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
> The
> hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
>
> He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the
> rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine waiting for
> him.
>
> She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off,"
> she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He
> did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed
> each
> gently and placed them
> neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it,
> constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra."
> Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the
> floor.
>
> Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town
> again, you're fired!"
>

[Whopper]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,emptiness,loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately while fondling her intimately.

The woman instantly shut up and quietly sat down as though she was in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week...... Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, ...

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

Now there's a couple of whoppers!