Rules of Manhood

[Wrightturn]

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. If a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. When she is using her teeth..

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature
is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's
delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the
game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports
watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better
be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending
your response.

20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
equal footing: i..e. both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod
is all the conversation you need.

22: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go
on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a
stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

23: Never share a motel bed with another man. If there are
four men in a room and only two double beds, two men sleep
on the floor.

24: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.

25: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.

26: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want
for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I
want!' gets a Kleenex box.. End of story.

27: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or
Men's Gymnastics, ... ever.

We hope this clears up any confusion.

International Council of Manhood

The rulemaker also writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a
female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to a! void hit ting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he
hung his arm out is window and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does
anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper,

I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS..

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as
dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22%
of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of
all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at
least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her

biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide,

has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger? I don't think so...