New Office Policy

[texan321]

NE W OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according
to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Coach bag, we will assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes,
and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you
need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees
attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare
cases where employee invol vement is necessary, the
funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We
will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After
your second offense, your picture will be posted on
the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic
Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the
picture will be sectioned under the company's mental
health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

[Haulen Ass]

Im gonna have an entire photo album if they start a time limit

[Hammerhead Pat]

That one about the personal days sure does hit home